death metal rooster
good move chelsea.
De la vega taking over the streets. Look familiar?
- Beck: “Who’s your favorite Founder?” Palin: “All of them.” Beck: “Bullcrap.” Palin: “So much diverse.”
- Good News: We are now six minutes away from total nuclear annihilation.
- Follow Up: Internet-famous Facebook Fugitive caught.
- Meet Mikey Hicks — the 8-year-old Cub Scout on Homeland Security’s terror list.
- Goth forced to replace spiky shoes with plastic bags before boarding plane.
- I, For One, Welcome Our [Blank] Overlords Round-Up: Dinosaur-sized shark; human-faced lamb; quake-forewarning canine.
- Better Know A Dead Canine: Otto, the world’s oldest dog, at 140.
- Better Know A Dead Person: Donald Goerke, SpaghettiOs creator, dead at 83; Also: Legendary R&B singer Teddy Pendergrass, at 59; Also Also: Musician Jay Reatard, at 29.
- Lunch List: Five emotions you never knew you had.
This Is Funny, You Should Watch It of the Day: VH1 reality show bus crashes; large quantity of slut spills onto street.
The Onion News Network is there.
SNL: And now, Mark Wahlberg talks to Christmas animals.
Unwitting Superstar of the Day: Chubby ginger girl stars in Dancing With Pedobears.
Words of Wisdom.
Balentines and Pumpkins.
“If you are reading this book it’s because you just lost your Grandma, Gammy, NamNam, or whatever lame nickname she wanted you to call her. You didn’t lose her like you lose your favorite power ranger action figure so stop looking.
There are a lot of things you need to know about what happens to people when you’ve “lost them.” You have to understand that they are never coming back. Also, when they died they will have shit their pants and peed them too. If they were already doing this then I don’t know why you are reading this book for emotional guidance through a tough time because it seems like it was pretty obvious they were going to die soon… Lastly, their body is going to decompose. In order to understand this I want you to steal part of your dinner tonight in a napkin. Place it under your bed and allow it to mold. After a few days your pot roast will have green mold growing all over it. That’s what your Grandma’s face looks like since you guys didn’t like her that much and only realized she was dead two weeks after it happened when the downstairs neighbors called to complain about the smell.”
I just really think it’s important to be honest to children.